I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
