census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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