Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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