:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
