there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
