then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
