The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
