I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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