I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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