you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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