We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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