Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
