you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
