I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
