you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
