so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
