I wannas sexs uuuuu
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
