just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
