my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
