it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
