i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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