Your dad touched me again.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
