wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
