she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
