i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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