i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
