When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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