we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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