I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
