Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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