I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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