As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
last night I used snow as a chaser
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
