woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
