come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
