Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
