I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
