he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
