Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
