weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
