i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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