Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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