Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
