I just pynch a tree in the face
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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