I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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