I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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