It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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