How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
