my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
