And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We just shotgunned beers for America
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
