I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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